ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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