I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
