do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
