the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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