well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
