dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
