Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
