they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize