I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
