the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
