My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
