Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
