Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
