From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
