I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
