just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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