what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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