I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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