Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
