So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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