the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I faked an abortion last night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
