My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
