He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
