So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
