Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
