We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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