ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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