I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize