Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
