We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
