Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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