I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
