Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
