i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
