just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
