I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
