woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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