we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
