I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
