you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
