Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
