oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We are all done wearing pants today
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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