please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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