Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
