Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
