the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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