Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
