I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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