How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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