so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
