Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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