I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just pee around me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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