God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
