I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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