she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
