we're chasing vodka with high fives
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize