3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
