Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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