he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
