question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
