I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize