What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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