Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
