The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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