am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just want to make out with him forever
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
