ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
