Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
