ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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