i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
