my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
